you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
