I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
