Where is the hickey?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
