so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
