Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
