I wanna passion pit in your ass
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
