trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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