Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
