you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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