The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
