i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
As shirtless as possible
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
