bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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