What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
