I should be sponsored by Trojan
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
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