somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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