Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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