Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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