i think i have two assholes
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
