all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
