Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
