So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
