I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize