we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
