we have pet lesbian snakes
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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