Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
