i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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