Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
