this just has baby written all over it
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
