all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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