Your face is a jimmy john
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Shame - the story of my life.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
