Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize