Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
