when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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