Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
