if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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