Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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