on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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