Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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