I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
