I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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