why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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