I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
