You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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