So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize