I want to have your abortion
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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