I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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