Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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