i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
