I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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