I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
