I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
