dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
