1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You are the jesus of drinking
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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