They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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