Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
