Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
