We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
