Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
