"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
