I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
