he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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