You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
