We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
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