My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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