new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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