Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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