She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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