I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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