3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
