So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
