So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
