i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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