I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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