Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
