we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
