ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
