I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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