Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
