end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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