Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
