My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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