Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
