So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
