So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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