The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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