So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
