i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
