Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
