Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
