If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
