he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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