I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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