part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
