here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Randomize
