Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
