it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
