The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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