I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
